I feel numb.

I feel numb.
I feel tired.
I feel lethargic.
I feel sick.
I feel alone.
I feel pain.
I feel like I no longer care.
I feel like I'm not myself.

When I'm scolded, I feel nothing.
When I'm hurt, I feel nothing.
When things happen, I feel nothing.
Even when happy occasions arise, I feel nothing

I could be smiling.
I could be laughing.
I could be playing.
I could be in the midst of a crowd.
But I feel lonely.

When I'm at work, I feel like I'm only going to through the motions.
I want to escape.
I want to run.
I want to be free.

I hate to be tied to a place for a long time.
I hate to do things I HATE.
I hate to not being able to be myself.

Can I have a week to myself?
Can I be with myself and do some 'self-discovery'. ALONE?
Can I do what I like for once?

Family are not pressuring me,
No one is.
I just feel so numb.
At times I feel like disappearing for a week or 2.
No phones, no computers, no internet, nothing.
Just me and myself.


I don't want to be labeled as emo or depressed.
I just can't help the way I feel.

世上只有妈妈好... A Song For Mom...

I remember I used to sing this song all the time(although I have no idea what it means) when I was younger. But since the day I know what the lyric means, i will cry whenever I hear it. No matter how I told myself not to cry, I'll still cry...
Since Sunday is Mothers' Day, here's a dedication for all mama's of the world, especially my mommy, ...

世上只有妈妈好

有妈的孩子像个宝

投进妈妈的怀抱

幸福享不了

没有妈妈最苦脑

没妈的孩子像根草

离开妈妈的怀抱

幸福哪里找

世上只有妈妈好

有妈的孩子不知道

要是他知道

梦里也会笑

世上只有妈妈好

有妈的孩子不知道

要是他知道

梦里也会笑

I hope every children in the world will appreciate everything this person named MOM did for us. I think the least we can do is say 'Thank You' to her for the meal she cooked for us, clothes she washed for us and all time of her life she spent on us. I believe a little thank you will do a better job in showing appreciation than giving her something money can buy...

Lastly,

Happy Mothers' Day to all mother,mama,mommy, ibu,emak,amma of the world....

...of 19 going on 20.

I only have exactly 12 hours left of my teenage years. After 12am tonight, I am officially 20.
I don't know why the song Que Serra Serra keeps playing in my mind....

When I was just a little girl
I asked my mother what would I be
Will I be pretty, will I be rich
Here's what she said to me.

Que serra serra,
What ever will be, will be
The future's not ours to see
Que serra serra...

Couldn't agreee more on "the future's not ours to see". Whatever it could be, I can only pray for the best